It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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