so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
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he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
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all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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