if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
