there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
