Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
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found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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