I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
