My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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