His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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