I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
