My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
