Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
