I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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