He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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