I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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