Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
