Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
