Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
