She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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