I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's never too late to be topless.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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