It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I believe in your delicious
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize