Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
