How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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