I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
