The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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