that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
