I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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