im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dear god my vagina.
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