The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
