Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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