Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
whose parrot is this?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
