I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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