he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
