Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
