You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
