i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
