oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
