Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize