I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
