he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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