Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
