he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
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So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
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She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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