I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
