I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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