last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
