You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
