I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
