I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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