Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
