Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
