what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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