i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
