apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
