Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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