ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
