I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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