I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She is in my trunk
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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