I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
