Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
