Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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