giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
