I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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