U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
