Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
