capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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