The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
