Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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