So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
