Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
