After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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