Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Let's paint friendship bongs
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
