the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
