Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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