Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
