how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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